1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
