Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
