sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
