i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
