If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
