why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
