Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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