i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
