Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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