Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
