walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
