I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
