i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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