I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
