i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
