Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
