Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
