I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
