FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
