New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Enjoy the penises
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
