I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
