Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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