I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize