Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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