I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
wow bdsm is so cute
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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