im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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