I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
