they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize