someone threw a dead crab at me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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