i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
