just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
