One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
