They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
