I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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