i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
