i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
