I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so let's talk penis.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
