Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
