is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
