Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
