Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize