I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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