i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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