i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
