I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
