You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
