Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
