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You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
