I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's always time for handjobs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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