he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
