I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
