its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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