At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
