My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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