I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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