you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
