Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
