See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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