If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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