Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Randomize