he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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