chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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