just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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