This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
