Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
