rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
