just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
