Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
