had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize