So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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