i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
