dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
