I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize