pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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