I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
