Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
