dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
