Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize