Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
