I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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