I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
