Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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