Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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