sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ttyl tear gas
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
