The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize